| cortyshell |
Do loved ones of addicts learn
to LOVE again?
I
was just wondering as an Ex~ lover of an addict, I watch myself
sabotaged every relationship I've tried since I left my addict.
I either get involved with guys I KNOW it won't work out with.
That's mainly where I've been.
I finally found this guy I want it to work out with. I'm noticed
that I'm guarded and worried about getting hurt.
So I was wondering if there's anyone else out there who is an
Ex~ lover of an addict who is actually in a healthy relationship
now? |
| Replies... |
Naiev
Newlywed |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Oh Corty - we're on the same page today. |
| cortyshell |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
I'm certain its going to happen for me
SOMEDAY..... |
Naiev
Newlywed |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
I ALMOST thought it was happening for me a
few weeks ago - but it had to stop. |
| 2fast2late |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Question?
Is it
because of the drugs we did/or do?
Is it because our head is so screwed up that we can never
function right?
Or have a good relationship with any one?
Or is it because we just don't trust ourself? |
| cortyshell |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Those are great questions
I don't do drugs
I KNOW my head is screwed up
Still working on that GOOD relationship thing
I shouldn't trust myself and I DON'T
Still waiting for an Ex~ loved one in a now healthy
relationship...... There's GOT TO be at least one!
Can you ever function properly once you've been burned so bad? |
| RedHurt |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
I know exactly what you mean, I am even
afraid to start a relationship with anyone. I would like to, but
don't even know where to start. |
Spase
monkey |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
*shrug*
It isn't about not trusting myself. I really don't trust anyone
enough to actually be in a relationship.
Spend long enough seeing just how bad humans really are inside
and it makes it pretty tough to ever want to expose yourself to
one.
Or at least that's how it is for me. |
| cortyshell |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
I understand that ...
But the thing is
I believe the BEST about people
I honestly think people have good intentions or don't go out of
their way to hurt someone else.
But when it comes to me I think ...
How could anyone ever love me or think anything positive about
me. |
| boys36 |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
WE LOVE YOU CORTY!!!!!!
And to quote Danimal "more than a little"!!!!!!!!!
I see lots of positive things about ya by the way.... |
| cortyshell |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Awwwww THANK YOU Alisa
I love you too!
Is there not A single healthy relationship around this board? |
| boys36 |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
This is probably NOT the best place to find a
single healthy relationship............. you can find lots of
great friends though......and lots of love and support!!!
That is the reason most of us come here in the first place
because of a dysfunctional relationship we are seeking help in
coping with. Be it a boyfriend, husband, wife , son or daughter.
We are all a little dysfunctional arent we???? I know I
am!!!!!"More than a little!!!"
P.S. We love and accept you anyway dysfunctions and all!!! |
sickids
gurl |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Ok- My husband and I have been together
almost 2yrs we are both addicts and have only been clean 13days
now. But, as far as our relationship goes we couldn't be
happier.
It takes a lot of listening and understanding and compromise
sometimes but, you can learn to love again.
I think the first step is learning to love yourself again. If
you can't be happy with yourself how can you be happy with
someone...? just my opinion.
Good luck with that to everyone! |
Naiev
Newlywed |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Quote:
Spend long enough seeing just how bad
humans really are inside and it makes it pretty tough to
ever want to expose yourself to one.
That's it - those are the words I've been
looking for....
Quote:
expose yourself
Thank you |
| boys36 |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
So true ...........Sometimes we are our own
worst enemy.
And happiness does come from loving yourself first.
You got to love you before you can love someone else! |
Spase
monkey |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
I should mention,
I am sure my experience is different than that of most loved
ones. I was an addict and spent some years homeless selling
people drugs. My experience in relationships where I would call
myself a 'loved one' have been relationships with other addicts
and especially with my last girlfriend who tried to get clean
with me for a while when I was getting clean but in the end
didn't want it bad enough.
What our damage is depends on our experience of course.
Self-worth can also be a very hard issue but I know for me so
much of it is trusting other people with the ability to make me
hurt. |
| Guene |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Space, Sorry to hear about your girlfriend,
that must have been very painful for you to lose someone you
love to a drug, but I hope that someday you will find someone
special to love again, it isn't always bad, I have been married
for 32 years, sure we had our good and our bad, but we always
loved each other. |
| lily |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Like the song goes..........
"I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I had
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest..............."
When every aspect of your life has been screwed up by a drug
addicted lover, how can u not lose all faith in ever being in a
healthy relationship again, right?
But how can u learn to trust someone else again if u don't have
faith and trust in yourself first. How u perceive yourself is
how others will perceive u too, so any weakness or self doubt in
your character is going to be seen by others.
Having said that, nobody is perfect and no matter how perfect
someone appears to be in the beginning of a relationship, the
flaws will surface eventually, because we all have them, but
these very flaws is what makes each person unique.
We live in a society where there are so many degrees of
dysfunction, so it's near impossible to find the perfect lover,
perfect relationship, perfect union. It's even harder when
you've already been hurt, since sometimes, we are attracted to
similar people that have hurt us in past relationships.
With all the BS we are faced with on a day to day basis, hold
onto to whatever faith u have left that love will come again,
probably when u least expect it, and when you're not looking so
hard for it. |
| cortyshell |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
It's frustrating
Does anyone else feel like "damaged goods"? |
| Guene |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Cort, You are not "damaged Goods" you
understand that, your not, please we all make mistakes, and we
fix them. I think you a very special person not damaged goods,
never put yourself down sweetie. |
Rachel
sue76 |
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Yes, you can learn to love again. The way I
see it is we are always risking getting hurt by someone we love
whether they do it on purpose or on accident. You got to take
the good with the bad ya know?
Spase, when are you going to see that the perfect woman for you
is that beautiful girl that you are always talking so much about
She knows all about you and she still likes you and you know all
about her and you still like her. |
